Living with Hip Dysplasia
A post outlining how I have lived 21 years of my life with hip dysplasia and how it has affected many aspects of my everyday life and prevented me on being able to do lots of things.
If you know me and are reading this then you may be able to understand or remember times in my life when I have struggled to walk, but like you, I have been completely clueless. Until this year I had no idea that I had hip dysplasia. If you are reading this and do not know me then this is just a vague summary of my journey with hip dysplasia. It has been said that the brain is one of the most powerful organs in the body, it has a way of controlling how we think and is the core that leads our movement, thoughts and memories. You may be asking what this has to do with my story about hip dysplasia, however, it has played a major role in pushing my body to its limits in addition to having such a high level of mobility when really I shouldn't have been able to walk.
Childhood: At that age of around about 4 my parents took me to the hospital to get an x-ray due to my hip clicking when I moved. They scanned it and saw no sign of anything being wrong and told my parents that it was something I would grow out of. It wasn't something that affected me massively at the time however, it did mean that I walked weirdly, almost like a waddle. My sister used to call me names like "penguin" which now makes me laugh to this day.
Teens: Continuing on into my teenage years' puberty meant that my hips changed shape, grew and moved. I can remember being at school walking from class to class and occasionally getting the feeling that my hip had popped out of its socket. Looking back on it now it seems funny that I carried on walking considering what was going on inside my body however I had no idea what was happening and the seriousness of what it meant. I did a lot of dancing when I was younger but was never quite flexible enough to really master it or to progress to higher levels. Similarly, I have always struggled with sports and running. As a result of my hip dysplasia, it meant that running was always something that would never quite work. As hard as I tried it was never quite successful and it was something that got me down constantly due to people picking on me for not being quite fast enough or being the worst player on a team when playing sports in P.E. As a result of this I think it was around year 9 when I started to stop participating in the majority of all sports so I couldn't get teased for not being any good. Unfortunately, my teachers didn't like that and would make me do it regardless. So, as a way to get out of things like sports and sports day, I would say that my asthma was playing up so I didn't have to participate. Looking back on it know I wish I'd known about my hip dysplasia because it's never ok to lie about your health and it's something I feel guilty about.
Seeking help: Not getting any better my parents took me to a few physiotherapists and doctors to see if we could get to the bottom of what was happening. Personally, the sports physio session was the worst. I left not being able to walk as a result of a machine being used that effectively gave my hip a deep tissue massage. Sounds nice? Honestly, it felt like all of the muscles moved around and my hip bone had shifted backwards. The views we received back from the physios and doctors were always the same. Either that one of my legs was longer than the other, which was highly likely due to it being a common occurrence that many people have. The other conclusion they came to was that one of my legs was just weaker than the other and needed exercising. They gave me exercises to do, which I did for about a week and then stopped because it felt like nothing was changing, in fact, it felt like it was getting worse. It felt so deflating a lot of the time because people told me I just needed to get fitter but exercise was something I struggled with both mentally and physically.
Travelling: I think at this point a couple of years later we partially gave up looking for an answer. In year 11 I applied to be a part of a trip that would be a life-changing experience. World Challenge was definitely a large struggle for me. The organisation teams up with schools to take students abroad to participate in a 4-week trip that included; acclimatisation, trekking, community or conservation work and finally rest and relaxation. A key part of going on the trip was fitness. As mentioned before I have never been the fittest person which I know is something I can blame on myself for not working on. The way they tracked our fitness levels were through a number of tests. Personally, I still believe the tests were wrong however it was something I couldn't complain about. The bleep test was the worst. Many people will know this so I won't go into too much detail. It basically measured how quickly you could run which didn't track your stamina but instead your speed. I failed pretty much all of the tests, and still, don't know to this day how I was allowed to go.
Outside of school my dad and I went on frequent long distance walks as part of building up my stamina. We attempted the Ridgeway, a trail that was over 100 miles long. Obviously, we didn't do this all in one day, we broke it up over a few weekends and slowly did more and more and put more and more weight into my backpack. By the end of it, I was much fitter than when I started but the walks were still difficult as my hip would seize up and become incredibly painful stopping me from walking after about 5 miles. Skipping ahead to when we were in Malaysia (the destination of our trip) after struggling to acclimatise and keep up with the group myself and two others were deemed too unfit to continue. I remember coming back from the meeting feeling the worst I have felt in a long time. Feeling defeated, worthless and that all my hard work was for nothing. Fortunately, after threatening to send us home they came up with an alternative solution that meant we didn't go on the trekking stage of the trip but instead stayed with a family in Borneo and helped the local community by planting over 500 trees. Although this was definitely one of the highlights of the trip for me I still felt that I wasn't completing the trip the way it was planned to.
University: Since leaving school and going to University my hip dysplasia worsened. Walking became hard, and after nights out I would wake up the next day having very limited movement in my hips and legs. I have also faced problems with my sleeping. In my head I thought that after a long day sitting down or going to sleep would be the best thing. However, I have been proven wrong so many times. I have woken up or not been able to go to sleep for hours over the last two years as a result of being in so much pain. It completely drains you and I became so incredibly frustrated at times that I couldn't do something so simple as sleeping.
As part of one of my modules in the final year, we had to go on a trip that was all about leadership and teamwork. It involved yet again a lot of walking. I had the option to get extenuating circumstances but didn't want to. In my head, I thought what was the point in doing a module titled leadership when I couldn't put what I had learnt into practice. Over the 24 hours, I think we covered 15 miles. We faced challenges that we really had to overcome as a team. As you can probably imagine (if you are still reading this) that I struggled with the walking. Numerous parts of the day my team were faced to stop because of me and my walking. It was horrible, I felt like I was constantly letting them down even though the continued to reassure me that it was ok. However, there was a large part of me that kept saying that they would have been way better off without me. One of the worst parts of the trip was having to leave the team due to not being able to walk anymore. Teamwork is all about working together and having every single person participating to overcome obstacles. For me, though it felt that everyone was dragging me along and I kept on creating the obstacles that they had to get over, which is why I left them twice and met them at the next checkpoints.
Reflection: There have been times where I haven't been able to walk home and have had to drag my leg behind me. To most people walking is something that we take for granted. It hasn't been until recently that i've really treasured every minute of being able to walk and that I have been able to do so many incredible things despite having hip dysplasia. I won't continue to go on about the other things that have happened as a result of my hip dysplasia, however, these are just some of the major events that have happened in my life and been affected as a result of the disability. I know that this post may have come across as me complaining or just about difficult experiences I have faced in my life, however, I deemed it important to be truthful on how it has affected me instead of trying to paint a beautiful picture about something that has been really quite difficult.
I am actually very thankful for everything that has happened. Looking back on what I mentioned earlier about the brain, all of these life events that have happened have occurred because I had no knowledge of quite how serious my hip was. So I may not have completed challenges or trips, or a small thing like participating in sports day, however, what I did do was do everything to the best of my ability. It is hard to know what might have happened if I did know, but what I do know is that I wouldn't have pushed myself so hard or been so difficult on myself when I gave up or couldn't do things. I want to end this reflection by saying that it's always important to remember that everyone has different limits. It is crucial that you understand that there will always be people who are better at some things. But at the end of the day the important thing is that you are proud of your accomplishments no matter how big or small they are compared to others.
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